Some things in life you don't forget. The scenes etch out permanently in your mind, and years later the remembrance of events still fills you with anger. Like the time my mother took a handgun from the house, and my father and I drove everywhere hoping to find her before she commit suicide. But that's … Continue reading Part 1: My Childhood Experience with Parental Alienation
I guess it is about time I wrote about my story, how and why I developed PTSD. I've held off on writing about this because it is a complicated story, and one I find difficult to articulate. It wasn't a singular split-second event that caused Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Instead, it was an accumulation of … Continue reading My Story
God, would I just get over this whole scale thing? Yeah, no apparently not. I might have possibly canceled my appointment with my psychiatrist. Possibly. Which means that I've rescheduled it for the 8th, and it pretty much ensures I will get yelled at for not keeping my appointments. Cause I do this a lot. … Continue reading Therapy Session: Finding Something to Fight Against
I guess this goes without saying, but yeah....I'll put a trigger warning on this piece. EMDR. Everything had been going smoothly up till that moment. Everything I had prepared myself to see had come up. Then suddenly an image I didn't want to see showed itself. One I didn't want to remember. One my therapist didn't know … Continue reading Therapy: I’ve Finally Started Speaking about Sexual Abuse
That positive pregnancy test……..was terrifying. NOT even gonna lie. The first time, I saw that positive pink plus sign, I nearly threw up. Actually, all three positive pregnancy tests, after each and every child, left me standing there terrified. I would want and pray for a baby for months, and when I'd finally get pregnant, … Continue reading Juggling PTSD and Parenthood
That massage earlier this week...yeah, I don't know why I worried so much. It was amazing!!! This PTSD ridden girl actually managed to relax and mellow out for a bit. And an added perk? I got an extra thirty minutes for free, which meant an hour-and-a-half of luxury. Yeah, I'm spoiled and I'll be back. … Continue reading Mother’s Day Massage
I think this was the wrong week to take time off therapy. I canceled because all three kids have dentist appointments today. I didn't think too much of it at the time because I've felt relatively stable for the most part. Except I have a weigh-in with my psychiatrist next week and I'm terrified. I … Continue reading Therapy Break~ What was I thinking? 5/16/17
In the depths of my depression, I couldn't cry. I think that was the worst part, to be in that much pain and not be able to cry. Now it's like I can't stop crying. Everything held in for those three years has come pouring forth. Tears upon tears upon tears. But it feels good, so … Continue reading Tears
Today was the kid's last soccer match of the season. Y'all don't even know! Halfway through the season, they both decided they hate soccer. Which means for the last two months I've had to drag unhappy unwilling children back and forth to practices and games while they whined in the back seat. I've caught myself … Continue reading Hallelujah, The Soccer Season has Ended!
"Noise is a stressor to the PTSD brain. SOME NOISE IS LIKE PAIN PIERCING THE BRAIN"